Monday, August 29, 2011

Tofu time


     The challenges brought about by a no-corn diet are many.  There is corn, or a corn derivative in a large percentage of our food products.  I am certainly glad that what I {possibly} have is an intolerance and not an allergy.  If it were an allergy, I quite possibly could end up starving myself, or at least feeling like that is the case.  The one thing that has been the absolute hardest to give up, has been pop (or soda if you prefer).  When I was on simply a low-calorie diet I could work in the occasional glass of Pepsi so that I did not feel completely deprived.  No corn = no high fructose corn syrup = no Pepsi, period.  Ahhhh!!!!

    So, it's already been both frustrating and fun trying to find things that I can still eat.  Today I decided to try some tofu for lunch. This is something I have had a few times in the past, but mostly in Miso soup or at the Chinese buffet where we like to eat.  Today, however, I decided to fry up some for myself.  I used a non-stick spray on my skillet instead of oil to make it even healthier.  Tofu is like a sponge, it absorbs the flavors of whatever it is cooked with, and will soak up oils which will add unnecessary fats to your meal.  We had rajma masala over white rice,with spiced chicken breasts for dinner last night, and the flavors were so delicious I decided to incorporate them into my lunch.  It was delicious!  I am listing my little recipe here, it's nothing special but it might help if you've never tried cooking your own tofu before. 
You can add this cooked tofu to a salad, ramen noodles, broth, or serve it with rice.  There are probably a million other things that can be done with it as well!  I had mine with a half package of ramen noodles, some cheese, and a touch of salsa, for a total of about 220 calories! :) 


     So far it is hard to tell if the new diet has had any effect on my psoriasis or PA.  I  have lost 4 pounds and do have a bit more energy.  Some of my stomach troubles seem to be clearing up as well.  Overall it appears to be a good thing at this point, but we will watch how things develop

 

Fried Spiced Tofu:

Ingredients:
     3-4oz Tofu (may be sliced, diced, chopped, or however you prefer)
     Chili powder
     Cumin
     Ground ginger
     Garlic powder
There is really no measurement for the dry ingredients. I simply
used a pinch of each, with the chili powder being a bit larger pinch than
the others.

Directions:
     Mix all dry ingredients together and rub onto tofu slice, or pour over diced/cubed tofu and mix gently with wooden spoon until all tofu is covered with seasoning.  Spray 8 inch skillet with non-stick cooking spray and preheat for one minute.  Add tofu to skillet and cook until hot; approximately 3 minutes for
a 3oz slice--about one and a half minutes on each side.  (You can cook a bit longer if you prefer, but the tofu will start to brown just like chicken, so be sure not to overcook or it will turn into a mushy mess! )  

To learn more about corn in the foods you eat, I suggest reading The Ominvore's Dilemma, by Michael Pollan. 
    

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Cutting out corn

     Today my doctor informed me that I should cut out all food products containing corn from my diet.  As if I don't have enough to deal with already.  She said that she's had experience with people who cut out corn and it completely cleared their psoriasis.  This is NOT going to be easy!  We will be talking about this journey in upcoming posts as I learn what foods are available that do not contain corn. 

I've also got some other issues for which we may have to cut out wheat if cutting corn doesn't fix them.  This is going to be a long journey...hope you will stay with me and learn what our foods are made of as well as how they can affect our bodies. 

Disclaimer:  Everyone reacts to things differently, so what works for me may or may not work for you...please discuss any major diet changes with your doctor.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Support

     My husband and I attended a seminar sponsored by the National Psoriasis Foundation and entitled "More Than Skin Deep", in Washington, D.C. last weekend (July 16th).  At this seminar we met some truly wonderful people and gained valuable information for our fight against this disease.  Not only did we learn about the disease itself, but also about treatment and support options, as well as had the opportunity to meet others who suffer from this disease.  We are both very glad that we went.
      Support for people who have psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis is very, very important.  That is one of the main reasons I started this blog, along with reaching out to spread awareness to those who do not understand the kind of struggles that someone with this disease faces.  In addition to my blog, and the newly developed line of awareness jewelry, I am in the process of starting a local psoriasis support group.  I really feel that there is not enough that I can do to help find a cure for this.  I struggled for so long without any answers, and have been dealt both good and bad cards along the way since being diagnosed. It is by the grace of God that I am where I am today.  I want others to know that they are not alone in this fight, to show them that there is someone who understands their pain, but also revels with them in their joy over the smallest of victories. 
     I will do everything in my power to help find a cure.  My husband and son have both agreed to join me for an NPF Walk for Psoriasis, in D.C. on September 17th.  Between now and then we will be working on various fundraising efforts for the walk.  Stay tuned to your inbox for more info. :)

Saturday, July 9, 2011

A new direction

     After a long and bitter struggle, I finally received my medication on June 30th.  As per the doctor's orders, I took two shots the first day and one shot a week later (June 7th). I will now begin taking them once every two weeks.  I am one of the lucky people who does not have to wait forever to notice a difference with my meds.  I immediately started noticing a change, not only in my mental attitude and feelings, but also in my physical condition.  My husband also noted these same changes. 
     As I previously mentioned, I was approximately 85% covered in thick, flaky, itchy, and ugly psoriasis patches.  The patches have thinned quite a bit and are much less flaky than before; the percentage of coverage has dwindled maybe 5% already.  I am in shock that it's working this fast, but of course am not complaining!
     It is so amazing to me how many things we do everyday that are taken for granted until there comes a point that we can not do them.  For instance, I am thankful now that I can get dressed by myself, fastening a bra (in the back) and even putting on shoes that tie without assistance from my husband.  Just a few short months ago I spent days refusing to wear anything but a nightgown because it was just too frustrating to try to dress myself and too humiliating to have to ask for help all the time.  My hands would cramp and hurt when attempting to fasten my jeans, my arms ached to the point that I could not even begin to reach behind me to fasten a bra (I only own one front fasten kind), and bending down to tie my shoes, even while sitting, was nearly impossible.  There were days I even had to have assistance taking a shower.
     I am very grateful that I started feeling better when the weather warmed up, and even more so with my Humira.  There are still so many "little" things I look forward to being able to do: sitting on the floor to play with my son, playing outside for more than 5 minutes at a time, going shopping without having to use the wheelchair, wearing dark colored blouses and not worrying about flakes, and I am even looking forward to being able to properly shave my legs again!  I never asked for miracles, I don't want to run a marathon or lift a hundred pounds, or anything fancy...I just want to be able to say "Yes, Mommy CAN  do that with you," for a change instead of having to explain to him about pain and chronic fatigue, things a 3yr old should not have to try and understand.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Faith

I just received a phone call from the pharmacy that my medication has arrived and I can pick it up in 1 hour, YAY!  If I could I would be dancing around the room...give me a month or two LOL!  I think that nothing says it better about handling this long struggle than the words of the following song:

Faith of the Heart
Rod Stewart

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can feel the change in the wind right now
Nothing's in my way
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna hold me back

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I finally have my day
And I will see my dreams come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No there not gonna change my mind

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

I've known a wind so cold and seen the darkest days
But now the winds I feel, are only winds of change
I've been through the fire and I've been through the rain
But I'll be fine

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith


I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

It's been a long road

Oh, it's been long road

Monday, June 27, 2011

Light at the end of the tunnel

     I just received fantastic news.  My application for assistance has been approved and my Humira shots will be arriving on Wednesday or Thursday of this week!!!  My son's birthday is on Sunday (July 3) so I am getting a present that I can share with him; the gift of Mommy being able to be Mommy again instead of a wreck who always has to apologize for things she doesn't feel like doing.    

    I realize it's been a while since my last post; but I am back.  The past few weeks have been a mixture of both good and bad days.  Thankfully none of the days have been as bad as what I experienced over the winter.  I have been able to be out enjoying some sunshine which has helped my psoriasis keep itself in check (meaning that it has not cleared but has not gotten worse either).   When I've gotten a good amount of sun the plaques will start to thin and not be so itchy, some smaller spots even clear up altogether.  However, when I've not been able to be in the sunshine for a few days I can feel the plaques getting thicker and the itching becomes almost unbearable, even with my Triamcinolone cream.
    
     On the arthritis front, I have felt generally okay over the past few weeks.  I've been having trouble with my knees though, still feeling like someone has taken a sledge hammer to them.  I have been crocheting a lot more, creating a baby afghan for a very special friend, and the weirdest thing is that my fingers are not nearly as sore as before, but my left wrist aches a lot.  Not sure if that is the arthritis or a bad case of tendonitis.  Since being off of the Prednisone (about a month now) I have lost some of the weight I gained while taking it, which feels pretty darn good, and I know it helps my joints have less pressure on them.
I am thoroughly looking forward to getting back on the medication and being able to lead a somewhat normal life again...thank God for small miracles.

     I wanted to share with you a story that was recently shared with me.  While my blog is intended to help readers understand more about psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis, it is often difficult for people to grasp what it really means to have this type of disease.  No one can sum up what it is like better than Christine Miserandino did when she developed "The Spoon Theory".  Please read her story, and then take a moment to say a prayer for anyone you know who suffers from any type of sickness or disability. 

Monday, June 6, 2011

So tired...

...of pain, of plaques, of feeling miserable, and of course, of still waiting.  I waited two weeks before calling for a status update on my new Humira application and now it has been two weeks since I first called for the update and I can't even get anyone at the clinic to call me back.  I have to pick up a prescription tomorrow so I will be asking someone face to face about this because I am seriously starting to get upset.  I want some relief from all of this misery instead of having to put on a happy face for the world every day and try to pretend that everything is okay.  IT IS NOT!  I am to the point that most of the time I just want to scream.  I am constantly irritated and that upsets me because even little things drive me right up the wall.  It is not easy to deal with a husband and a 3 (in one more month) year old when all you feel like doing is snapping everyone's head off since you can't just go back to bed and ignore them. 
I would beg for Calgon to "take me away" except that I can't sit down in the bathtub anymore, and the shower chair isn't low enough for me to feel the benefits of soaking in a bath, so that would be pointless.  *sigh* 

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Exercise: Empowering or Over-doing ?

  If you suffer from psoriatic arthritis, then you know where this post is going today.  Exercise is recommended to all arthritis patients because it helps keep joints moving, builds muscle, and fights fatigue.  Those all sound like exactly the prescription we are looking for, right?  The problem with exercise, for me personally, is that I tend to feel worse after it than before it.  Most of us are familiar with the pain we feel when we haven't worked out for a while and then start a new regimen; how would you like to feel that way everyday? That's pretty much what happens when I try to workout.
     When I am on my proper medication and can actually move about, I adore going to the gym and keeping track of the results of my hard work.  Times like now, however, when I have been off of the medication for over a year, I have no desire whatsoever to go anywhere near a gym.  The mere thought sends shivers down my spine.  Sure I have good days where a workout would be okay, I could do it.  If I did, I would probably not get out of my bed for the rest of the week.  That is how sore I would be.  My joints would hate me and my body would want to commit mutiny.
   At any rate, I shall not allow myself to sit around and become a vegetable.  This weekend my husband and I are going with my son to his first "marathon"...it is actually a run for little tots that is about a total of 3 blocks long.  While it isn't a huge distance, I know I shall be exhausted after; however, I want my son to know that Mommy is there for him and that I am not going to let this disease keep me down!
     What type of exercise do you do and does it help or hurt? While I realize that exercise can be very empowering, for those in our situation it can be drastically over-doing it at times, even when you only do the most minor things.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Waiting Game

     When all else fails what do you do? Wait, wait, and wait some more.  The problem with this is that if you are an impatient person like I can sometimes be, it can drive you absolutely bananas! Also, if you are experiencing a massive outbreak of psoriasis along with a severe bout of your arthritis, and the thing they want you to play the waiting game on is the medication that will help you get better, it is worse than frustrating. 
     Once again I have been told that we must start this paperwork process over.  Now I have no idea how long it will be until things are straightened out; no clue as to when the medicine might actually be delivered. I have been waiting for 6 months, and have no other choice but to wait longer.  The depression I thought had been cleared up by the hopefulness that just maybe this time I would really get the medicine is returning.  I am frustrated, aggravated, upset, feeling helpless, and hopeless at times.  I try to find some positive in the fact that I'm not currently confined to the bed like I was for most of winter, I can still do some things.  But each day it feels like the pain is slowly increasing again, and the plaques are driving me insane.  I'm tired of looking like a leopard, itching all the time, having skin that flakes off I even breathe too hard, and I'm absolutely sick of the inflammation and pain.      
     Time to put on some music and let The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band remind me that "if you ever wanna see a rainbow...you've got to stand a little...rain..."

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Options

     Okay, so I have a few new readers to the blog now and I am hearing from some of you that you are not aware of all your options out there.  If you have psoriasis and you think you may have psoriatic arthritis, PLEASE talk to your doctor about what treatments are available to you!  A regular medical doctor or a dermatologist can help you find topical medications that control psoriasis plaques, but they will most likely want to refer you to a Rheumatologist, especially if the condition is serious.
     There are many options out there to help with this disease.  If you think this is something you may have, I urge you to be proactive and speak to your doctor about it.  Do not let them brush off your symptoms or simply tell you take some Tylenol (or Ibuprofen) and it will be better.  Those things may help temporarily, but I know from experience that over-the-counter and even prescription meds can stop working after a time.  I was told at one point to take Aleve (or the generic naproxen sodium) "until it stops working or you have to take more than what you're taking now (4 pills per day). Then we will see about getting you on something different."  At the time I was not as savvy about researching things and knowing what my options were, nor did I do a good job of speaking up for myself and making sure my doctor understood how my condition really affected me.  Due to this, I went almost 10 years from the onset of my symptoms to an actual diagnosis and finding some real help.  I can not tell you where I would be if I had gotten help sooner, but I can tell you that I do not think YOU should wait so long to get answers. 

The National Psoriasis Foundation is a fabulous resource you can use to find out about this disease and decide exactly what you should tell your doctor.  Their website is http://psoriasis.org and this specific page http://psoriasis.org/NetCommunity/Page.aspx?pid=324 will give you more information about psoriatic arthritis.

     If I can be of any assistance or answer any questions, please feel free to comment below or e-mail me.



   

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Ups and Downs

     Every day is something different when you deal with psoriatic arthritis.  One day everything is great, pain is minimal, plaques are few and are not irritated; the next day is absolutely miserable.  There are, of course, in between days, where there is only pain in select areas, but lately it seems to be all or nothing here.  I have been on the Celebrex now for a couple of months and I'm starting to wonder if I am already building up an immunity to it, or if my disease is just progressing beyond what the 400mg/day can handle.  Besides the Celebrex I have also been on prednisone (again) for the past 3 weeks.  Like most everyone else, I dislike the steroids because they lead to weight gain.  It has helped my hands, though, so that I have been able to do more of the tasks that previously left me completely distraught. At least that was the case, until the past couple of days.
     My hands are pretty swollen, and they have been hurting in spite of the medicine.  Also my knees are hurting rather badly.  Both of my kneecaps feel like someone has taken a hammer and beaten them.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Fear

     I just read a blog post by a friend from my writers group, and she was talking about facing our fears.  I think it was a pretty great post and very timely for me.  Having dealt with such a bad health episode over the winter, it really put a few things in perspective.  In my previous posts you have read how upset and depressed I was at times.  There were days when I felt completely hopeless and like my life would never mean anything because I would never feel like doing anything, therefore nothing was ever going to be accomplished.  This is one of the biggest fears I have.
     Now that I am feeling better, things don't seem quite so bleak.  I am getting more active in things I enjoy doing such as my writing, and am even able to crochet little bits at a time again.  I have also started working on improving my artistic skills in the area of drawing.  I have always loved to draw but never felt I was any good at it.  I am teaching myself now through a variety of book and online tutorials; if you've been to my Facebook page you have probably already seen some of my work.  It is a great feeling to be able to do things without paying for every move by being in pain for three or four days afterward.
      So, in regards to psoriatic arthritis/psoriasis and fear, you might be asking yourself how the two relate.  Many people with this disease have very valid fears.  For instance, during rough times I fear that I will never get better.  Others fear how people will react to them if they are covered in "unsightly" patches of red or dry skin, especially if it is scaly.  While these fears are common, we should not let them rule our lives.  With medication and time, I find that I always manage to get through the rough arthritis patches, so when it feels like there is no hope, I try to remind myself that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  When I start breaking out in spots and want to run away to join a family of leopards (because that's the only place I think I'll fit in), I try to find ways to be comfortable being me.  This means that if I am hot and want to wear shorts even though my legs are covered, so what? Think positive.  It is sunny weather now, and sunlight really helps clear the psoriasis. Plus, why should I suffer by wearing my blue jeans in 90 degree, blistering heat while others are wearing whatever they please?  I have a RIGHT TO BE COMFORTABLE,TOO!  It's taken many years and a huge amount of support for me to be able to believe in this, but I am thankful that I finally woke up and stopped being afraid of what everyone else just doesn't understand. (There are more of my thoughts on this in last week's posts.)

I would like to hear from you about your fears and how you deal with them! Leave a comment or feel free to drop me an e-mail :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Relaxing

Today has been a pretty fair day over all.  The bottoms of my feet have hurt some, and of course my hands remain semi-sore all the time.  However, everything else has been good.   Despite feeling better in my joints, I am extremely tired after only short bits of activity, so have to rest a lot.  Was able to assist my husband in making a wonderful roasted lamb dinner for our Easter treat.  We'll be heading to his parent's tomorrow afternoon for a turkey/ham dinner.  Of course in the morning it will be lots of fun watching the MuffinMan find all of his Easter surprises and hunt for the eggs that he dyed this evening. :)
I am very thankful that I feel up to the task of handling the festivities...if this were a couple of months ago, or if I felt now like I did then, I'm afraid that he would be hunting eggs in my bedroom or else I would miss out on the activities.  Every day is something new with a toddler, and missing out is just not an option for me; I refuse to let this disease ruin everything!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Getting my life back

If you've been keeping up with my random posts, you know that it was a pretty rough winter around my house.  Thankfully though, the hard part seems to be over for a while.  The sun has decided to stick around and warm things up, including my old, creaky joints.  I am now able to move around almost as freely as I would like.  I believe this is due in part to the warmer weather and in huge response to the Celebrex that the doctor put me on last month.  I also have to say a huge thanks for the love and support of my family!!!  Without my husband's help I would not have made it through what felt like some pretty dark days there for a while; and without the in-laws (including hubby's aunt) pitching in to help with the baby, we might all have gone crazy. 

So things have been picking up nicely.  I am no longer confined to my bed, which is a definite blessing!  I am also no longer requiring the use of my walking cane on a regular basis, but only on really bad days.  Most of my knee pain is gone and my feet are doing well as long as I keep them propped up regularly.  A lot of the pain I still have is concentrated in my hands.  I was back at the doctor yesterday (4/20) for the results of my blood work, and she FINALLY gave me my long-awaited prescription for HUMIRA!!!  The only problem I have now is that the pharmacy says it will take 3-4 more weeks for them to actually get the medicine.  *Sigh* I've been waiting since September and it seems like it will never happen.  Since the arthritic parts of me are feeling pretty good I think I will manage to do okay in that area.  However, I am now 85% covered in psoriasis plaques and was really looking forward to getting the HUMIRA soon so that I could get some relief with that.  It is a little embarrassing to have people stare at my arms/legs when I go out in public, but thanks again to the encouragement of my husband, I go out feeling comfortable being ME!  I am not ashamed to wear my shorts and tank-tops just because I have plaques.  The philosophy that I have developed to help me get past the self-consciousness is simple:  People are afraid of that which they do not understand, therefore if they have issues with my condition and choose to ridicule or stare or some other rude thing, that is THEIR problem, not mine!  I am fully aware of my own situation and I choose to be comfortable, not hidden!

 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sunshine!

The weather is finally starting to warm up and with it has come some pretty good news for a change.  I am starting to be able to move around a lot more.  I've been out of the house twice this week already and for that, I'm really excited!  It's nice to be able to get up and do things when you want to instead of when you absolutely have to or not being able to do them at all.  I am able to help out more with things around the house, like having energy to fold laundry, help with a few cleanup tasks, even get snacks for my son occasionally.  While these may seem insignificant to some, they are major steps for me.  It has also helped to ease some of the frustration from my hubby so that he can rest once in a while instead of being on the go between Alex and I tweny-four hours a day.

I still have my appointment coming up with the rheumatologist on the 23rd, and I certainly hope he will write the prescription for my HUMIRA, because this is getting crazy.  I NEED my medication! For now I will settle for the warm weather and feeling a lot better than I do on the cold/rough days.  YAY!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Cursed

Okay a quick update for today.  The pharmacy called to tell me that the doctor who was supposed to look at my chart (I mentioned yesterday) was called out for hospital duty today and her replacement would not write my prescription because he doesn't know my case; therefore he said I have to wait until the 23rd when I see the rheumatologist.  Really??  I am starting to understand what Job went through and I totally feel his pain...

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Still Waiting

It's been  almost three months since my last update and I must say that there is a good (or bad depending on how you look at it) reason for it.  Since November things have progressed at a rate that even I don't believe.  The doctor that I saw told me that the reason for the speed is probably due to rebound effect from being on/off/on/off the medication. I guess I understand that, and I can guarantee that if I can help it, once I get back on the medicine I am not going off!

I don't want to drag this post out so we will go with the short version of the story. Mid-Nov I sprained my right knee and wound up in a brace for a while. During Christmas time I developed problems in my right hand and wrist that now keep me from  being able to do anything with it.  I'm not sure if it was all the crocheting I did for presents or just the natural progression of my arthritis.  Either way, I am one handed now.  My index finger on this hand is in the same shape as my middle finger on the left hand that I've mentioned in previous posts. After we finished shopping for our son, I made myself stay home for several days before Christmas so that I was able to get out and head over to the in-law's for dinner.  That actually went pretty well.  Once we got home I was not much feeling like going out anymore so I was back to camping on the couch, until one day...

January 6 I was scheduled for another doctor's appointment, however, on the way out the door my very helpful husband and I made a misstep and ended up falling off of the porch together.  Well, he fell on top of me but quickly rolled off so he didn't hurt me worse.  Luckily nothing was broken except my pride and self-esteem.  However, I did hit my head on the sidewalk and jar every bone in my already aching body.  Needless to say, I missed my appointment.  The next day I was so sore that I opted to stay in bed all day.  What I found out by doing this was that I actually felt a bit better in my bed than I did on the couch because I was able to move around more freely than being stuck in one position.  So, that's where I've been camping ever since.  I can sit up, lie down, stretch, prop up my legs or not, I can get as comfy as I want.  I don't often sit up for long because it makes my legs ache something terrible, and as for getting up...I get to the bathroom alright, with a lot of help from hubby most of the time, and a lot of screaming/crying from pain ALL the time.

So whatever happened to the clinic getting my shots for me? I've gotten so much run-around that I don't really even know right now.  I've been told everything from "your medicine was ordered Nov. 19, it takes 6 to 8 weeks to get here and should be in any time now"... to just last week I heard "sorry, I don't have a prescription for your medicine from one of our doctor's...it appears the prescription you have is from an outside doctor and we can't accept it, so I'll leave your chart with the doc and see if she'll write a 'scrip for you but she won't be in until Feb 3, so we'll let you know.  Sorry, even if I had a whole case of the med here I couldn't give it to you."  This is the point where I want to tear my hear out by the roots and start throwing things around the room!!!  I just want to get better, but it doesn't seem anyone else desires the same, except for hubby who would manufacture the shots himself if he could, I know he would.

For now I'm just taking my Ibuprofen, for lack of a better prescription, still crying a lot, and pushing myself to do as much as I can without killing over.  I managed to take a whole shower standing up tonight, without my shower chair; something  I haven't done in  two months...one small victory at a time!